Washing Away the Bullshit

“If you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello.” Paulo Coelho

I have a confession to make.

I have often felt very disconnected from my body. Dissociated even. I remember bringing this up years ago during my HoopYogini training. It was a week of embodied leadership and transformation, of movement and dance, and here I was saying my body felt 𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇.

It’s a strange thing for me to admit, because so much of my self-expression and art has been physical, using my body as my paintbrush. And in many ways, the only way for me to attune to my deepest self has been through embodied practice.

But I exist in this world that does not take kindly to womxn who adore their bodies. The conditioning to doubt myself, to question my worth based on how others (read: men) see me, to reign in any confidence and authority, to criticize, to please, has not spared me.

For so long, I was so afraid to say no. If someone wanted something of me, I though it was my duty to provide.

No more. That shit is over. I live for me and this body, this vessel that houses my soul, is so special, so sacred, so capable, and so beautiful, and 𝐼 deserve to treat it as such. I also deserve to stay the hell away from people who don’t.

This is not a reflection, this is a checking in mid-process.

I am slowly relearning to trust myself.

I am slowly learning to honor myself.

Self-love is a an oddyssey.

Tonight I wash away those in my past who did not see my value, and to that Loyal Soldier in my mind who has tried to keep me safe by keeping my small,

Thank you for your love and concern. You have fulfilled your duty, may you retire in peace.

Here's my recipe for a cleansing self-love bath ritual:

1 can organic coconut milk

2 tbsp honey

epsom salts infused with rose

a few drops of lavender essential oil (or whatever oil floats your boat)

flowers (I went for a variety but made sure to include roses)

rose incense

crystals, heart-shaped rose quartz in the center

plenty of candles

I also poured a glass of wine and grabbed a few chocolates for an extra treat.

While the tub ran, I stream-of-consciousness journaled about any pain and shame I'd been having trouble letting go of. Getting it out on paper allowed me to bring all of this to the surface, ready to be washed away.

I listed to a sound bath that targeted the lower chakras and breathed into the sound as I soaked.

At the end of my bath I emptied the tub and I rinsed myself off, visualizing the yucky stagnant energy flow off my body and down the drain.

This wasn't a cure-all, but I did feel unbelievably refreshed and renewed as dried off and dawned a pink silk robe. I have sensitive, dry skin so the coconut milk and honey was extra nourishing; even after soaking for quite a while, my skin was dewey and soft and moisturized!

Cleopatra didn't bathe in milk and honey for nothing.